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curvy & trans

Just a plus size trans girl in a straight size cis world.

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Mar 31st, 2020 Transgender

What Being Transgender Has Meant For Me

Trans Day of Visibility 2020

I spent most of my life feeling like I had no where that I belonged; I didn’t fit in with the boys, and I wasn’t allowed to fit in with the girls. I was alone, adrift, a loaner all through primary school. To protect myself and to try to find somewhere I could exist, I created a personae that fit the male model I saw around me, but it was a poor imitation. He was rude, condescending, cynical and extremely bitter. He thought himself better than everyone else because it was the only way he could keep from feeling worthless. I hated being him every single day, but I saw no other way I was allowed to exist. I walked through life seeing so many things I wanted to pursue and enjoy, and feeling completely cut off from them.

Learning I am trans was like the clouds opening and a shaft of sunlight falling across me. It was like having an owl swoop down my chimney with an invitation to Hogwarts (or more accurately, remodeling a home and finding a dead owl in the blocked off chimney, still clutchi…

Feb 12th, 2020 Medical

Blindsided by your brain

A conversation with my therapist last weekend got me thinking about something. Growing up AMAB you only ever hear about two aspects of the menstrual cycle, the ones that are inconveniences to men: periods, and PMS.

No one ever talked about the other parts of the cycle, the ways that the other phases affect female mood. I heard a little bit about how body image tanks at the end of the luteal phase, but I never heard about how body confidence spikes just before that. I heard a tiny bit about the way libido rises during the follicular phase, but nothing about how it inverts after ovulation. I learned from my wife that there can be a surge in sex drive in the middle of the period.

But the thing I never heard anything about is the way it feels in the last week of the follicular phase and during the ovulatory phase. Behavioral studies on cisgender women have shown that this stage of the cycle them to react stronger to dominate and virile mates. It influences female social behaviors in subt…

Feb 7th, 2020 Transgender
𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Stages of Transfem transition:

- I wish I was a woman.

- I think I’m a woman?

- I know I’m a woman.

- I believe that I’m a woman!

- I feel like a woman!

I think I finally hit stage 5 in the last few months. Internal doubts I didn’t know I still had have been silenced.

𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

I don’t feel scared of women’s bathrooms any more. I worry about my voice causing a false impression, but I don’t feel like I’m going to “get caught” any more.

I’ve started to take it for granted that people will see me as female, even on days when my dysmorphia is bad.

Staging into Womanhood Mental context shifts across transition.
Feb 6th, 2020 Fat Liberation

Body Privilege

Let’s talk a little bit about privilege, in regards to fatness. If you’ve not been exposed to fat acceptance or the fat liberation movement, then some of this will seem very foreign and you may balk at it, but please keep an open mind. If you do not understand the concept of privilege, or think it’s all SJW garbage, I shall refer you to my own post on the topic

So what is Body Privilege? In short, it is the privileges received by those of smaller body size. The larger you are, the more institutional discrimination you receive for your weight, and the more difficult your life becomes. Since we culturally associate fatness with laziness, this discrimination is usually seen as acceptable and even positive, with people believing that if they shame fat people enough, they will be motivated to lose the weight. This is not, in fact, how it works. If it were that straightforward then there would be a lot fewer fat people in the world.

The larger you are the h…

Feb 4th, 2020 Transgender
𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Nobody is looking at a child’s behavior and deciding the child is trans.

Trans kids often have to beg and plead to be taken seriously by their parents, and the parents will try EVERYTHING ELSE before believing them, if they ever do.

No one is transing kids!! It doesn’t happen!

𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Even once the parents do believe it and start advocating, the child still has to convince at least two medical professionals *without the parent present* before they’ll be allowed puberty blockers.

Reactionaries really have no idea how hard it is to get trans care.

You Can't Make a Child Trans That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.

Emmy Jewel has no idea what she’s talking about, and it shows. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

Nobody is looking at a child’s behavior and deciding the child is trans.

Trans kids often have to beg and plead to be taken seriously by their parents, and the parents will try EVERYTHING ELSE before believing them, if they ever do. Even when the parents do believe it and start advocating, the child still has to convince at least two medical professionals without the parent present before they’ll be allowed puberty blockers. Reactionaries really have no idea how hard it is to get trans care.

No one is transing kids!! It doesn’t happen!

Jan 24th, 2020 Weightloss

Endocrine Escape

I don’t know what magic happened in my bedroom today, but wow did these photos come out good.

Today I had an appointment with a new endocrinologist, but this time not for anything trans related. This was about my pre-diabetes.

CW: Weight loss and disordered eating.

Back in 2016 when I was at my highest weight ever I was categorically Type 2 diabetic; my A1C was 6.7, and anything above 6 is an instant diagnosis. However, my doctor either didn’t notice it, or he decided it wasn’t a big deal. He just kept pushing me to lose weight and never prescribed anything.

After I came out to Katharine I developed gastritis from the stress and ended up losing almost 40 pounds over three months. It was not a good time, I had to force myself to eat every day to keep from being malnourished. When my weight leveled off my A1C had dropped to 5.6, and over the next year got as low as 5.4, taking me well outside of the risk zone.

Well now it’s back up again, my last test came back 5.7, which puts me ba…

Jan 10th, 2020 Feminism
Samwitch, Human Rogue, Chaotic Good @Samwitch11

A trans woman shares an experience online; a brush with misogyny, a scary scenario with a man, or maybe physical discomfort due to being on estrogen. Very often I see the comment "Welcome to being a woman!" show up as a response.

Does this feel patronizing to anyone else?

1/

✨Erica Goodwitch✨ @tistheGoodwitch

@Samwitch11 I promise you, cis women definitely say it to other, younger, cis women. And it’s SUPER patronizing.

Unwelcomed to Womanhood The phrase "Welcome to Womanhood" is always patronizing, even towards cis women.

This thread was a journey. Initially I started capturing this on the base message, but then I saw the replies and it took a whole new depth.

Women, stop doing this to your sisters and your daughters, be they cis or trans! Take it from a girl who had to fight for it, womanhood is a blessing!

Yes, misogyny and patriarchy sucks, but that burden is a product of forces outside of womanhood itself. Lay the blame where it is due. That discrimination is not worthy of normalization. When you come down with the flu, you don’t say “welcome to humanity.” Treat that garbage for the plague it is.

Yes, periods suck, mood swings suck, cramps brutally suck, bleeding out every month FUCKING SUCKS, but it is also a gift of life (infertility conditions aside). A gift that many of your trans sisters would happily endure for the miracle it allows. Your daughters don’t have to cherish it, but they shouldn’t be told it’s a curse either. Hearing other women be so negative about this aspect of their bodies…

Jan 8th, 2020 Transition Timeline

Hatching Day 3

Today is my hatching day.

Three years ago my wife told me I needed to seek out a therapist and figure out wtf was causing my depression and anxiety. That night I laid awake in bed, unable to sleep, wrestling with a demon in my own head.

I got out of bed and went to my computer, and I googled a term that I had learned 20 years prior out of a college psychology textbook.

Autogynephilia. A word deeply reviled by many trans women. A word that has invalidated so many of us. A word coined by a man who has singlehandedly done more harm to trans people in the last fourty years than any other person.

What I discovered was that the things I had read in that textbook were wrong. Massively wrong. So wrong that the vast majority of modern psychology has completely thrown it out. I learned that what I had been treating as a paraphilia for my entire life was actually Gender Dysphoria.

Twenty five years after first learning that it was possible for a boy to become a girl, and desperately wishing …