Today is National Coming Out Day, a day to celebrate the diversity of queerness, increase visibility, and let people know they are not alone.
I am many things. You may ask me questions about any of them.
Queer, as in I am my own person and I will not be constrained by cisgender heteronormativity.
Gynephilic, as in my sexual attraction is primarily to physical characteristics that result from estrogen (as opposed to androphilic, which is attraction to testosterone driven characteristics)
a Lesbian, as in Valar Dohaeris.
Bisexual, as in gender is a spectrum and my sexuality includes everyone but men.
Demiromantic, as in, ok, maybe some men, but only after significant bonding.
Monogamous, as in I am singularly devoted to one person by choice, not by nature.
Polyamorous, as in my default state does not preclude romantic relationships with multiple people.
Transgender, as in chromosomes are really more of a suggestion than a rule.
a Woman, as in…
Ten years ago this wonderful woman and I said I Do. She’s still as gorgeous today as she was then (and I got a whole hell of a lot prettier). I thought then that I knew what love is, but it has grown so much since that day.
It’s been an extraordinary decade full of devotion, laughter, losses, surprises, evolutions, blessings, growth and joy. We’ve both changed so much from who we were back then, but our love remained strong through thick and thin.
Happy Anniversary, Katharine. I love you with all of my heart.
YOU WOULD DARE TO CROSS A WITCH!? Filthy vermin!! You WILL regret this slight! Oh I am going to enjoy this revenge!
I had people stopping me yesterday to compliment this dress (it’s actually my HolyClothing skirt and a $5 Walmart shirt). The camera couldn’t capture all the undertones on the eye makeup, sadly. I used reds from five different pallets to accomplish the look.
This morning @simply.sophie.marie made an insightful and impassioned post about the disparity in attention within trans communities on instagram vs Facebook, and how on IG it is such a popularity contest. I suggest everyone hit her timeline and take a read.
She’s completely right, Instagram is a popularity contest, and just like popularity contests in high school, the ones on top are always the prettiest. This is not at all exclusive to the trans community, this is true across the entire platform. If you are thin, young, white or white passing, and conventionally attractive, you have a significantly larger platform than everyone else. Even in plus size spaces, the women who get the most attention are on the lower end of the plus size range and have a more favorable hourglass shape.
But the thing is, this isn’t just a sociological factor. It’s deliberately engineered into the platform user exp…
Quick evening look for a dinner date with my wife. My skin has been in pretty fantastic shape this week and I have no idea why. 😅
My mom was watching the kids for us tonight while we were out to dinner. As we were leaving the house my daughter complimented Kat on her outfit, so I asked what she thought of mine. The silence from my mother was deafening. She was so silent that she consumed the sound around her. It was a black hole of awkward silences.
Well let her be awkward, it’s her fault we can’t enjoy this together.
Swipe for THE HORROR! I had a dentist appointment this morning, first with a new doctor that I’ve never been to. My old dentist retired this year, after almost twenty years of taking care of me teeth.
New dentist is a woman and was very business like, straightforward and to the point. My hygienist was super nice and very friendly, I like her a lot. Both got a great laugh after she asked me how frequently I changed toothbrushes, and I answered “Monthly because my son keeps dropping them in the toilet.” I appreciated that there was no reaction when I mentioned my wife, and no questions about the birth of my kids, either. It’s surprising how frequently that gets asked.
Best of all, neither woman guilted me about anything with my oral hygiene; my old dentist and his staff constantly made me feel bad about my flossing frequency.
And yes, I am wear leggings as pants. Naysayers can get bent.
@gratefully_gen shared this image in her Instagram stories and I appreciated the post so much that I went looking for the original.
I have been in this mental space so many times, and it messes with you so much. I never get any male attention when I’m out and about in the world, I am invisible to them. Women notice me, because of how I dress, but that alone doesn’t draw the male gaze, and I’ve considered the causes of that many times. I don’t WANT that attention, I’m actually very thankful that I don’t have to deal with that every day, but still I feel its void.
And that is so fucked up! That harassment from men should be such a normal part of womanhood that I note it’s absence and see it as a judgment of myself is just wrong on so many levels! My worth has absolutely NOTHING to so with how desirable I am to men, but I’ve absorbed this patriarcha…
I went for the full diva today. It’s been a while since I really glammed it up, and after a really long week of not getting out of the house much, I needed this.
It really surprises me how much I look like my grandmother in some of these photos. She’s a huge narcissist, a trait that I hope I am avoiding, but she was also always the quintessential prima donna and I often looked up to the way she carried herself when I was a teen.
It still surprises me sometimes, it catches me off guard.
I’m one of those people, those changelings that you only saw in tabloids and daytime talk shows. Those people that “good christians” don’t become… The fact that I did this, that I am this… it blows my mind. Even tho its what I wanted for three decades, it still just feels so impossible. It feels like it defies the order of the universe, like I’m breaking physics. It’s so preposterous, so outlandish, so daring and impossible.
But I did do it, I made it happen. I became a girl, the girl I always was, the girl I should have been, the girl I felt inside before I even knew that I could feel that way.
And that is so beautiful, and so powerful, and so amazing, that I cannot imagine ever being without it. It fills my entire body with light and makes my heart swell with joy just from thinking about it.
This is a gift, the best gift I ever got, and I cherish it deeply.
I tweeted this all last night while in the depths of a …
This. I know what it's like to hang out with men. I know what it's like to hang out with women. When I hang out with trans women, I'm hanging out with women. Definitely not men. It's that simple.— 🕸️🕷️🎃 Spoopy Witch 🏳️🌈🇪🇺🧜♀️ (@buttonsandfluff) October 2, 2019
The first woman I ever dated said to me on our first date, “You are unlike any man I have ever dated before.” She could see it. She didn’t know what it was, but she could see it.
It’s in the attitudes, the mannerisms, the way we address the world and the subtle interactions. If you get a group of trans women together and watch how they converse, the alignment is plain as day.
This is our tribe.
…it’s a progression of incrementally better bras.
Hastily threw together this look this morning, since my wife was asleep in bed next me while I got dressed. Thankfully my skin is doing very good today, since I didn’t even take the time to do BB Cream. Just some quick eye shadow and liner, and then scurrying out the door after my son came in, so he wouldn’t wake her up.
My hair is finally getting back to its full curl potential after I last dyed it. After the hair cut I’ve had to roll back some of my methods, because what worked at mid-back length doesn’t work so well for neck length. This time I colored it using a Maddison Reed kit, my first time using them. I hope to have a product review up this week, I keep getting distracted from writing it.
Transitioning gets boring. Looking back, the excitement of the little things starting to change give way to normalcy. Like buying a new car. When you get it, it’s your NEW car. It’s exciting and has the new car smell. Eventually it’s just your car. Similarly, this is just my life— Worst Chef (@EloraEdwards) September 29, 2019
You’re 18-30 months into transition. You’re full time, you’ve done the majority of your coming out, your legal changes are done, maybe a surgery behind you, and the body shifts have slowed to subtlety. You might still have some surgeries ahead of you, but the bulk of the “work” of transition is finished. You start to feel disconnected from the person you used to be. Now what?
Now you live.
It reminds me so much of graduating from high school. Your entire life has been leading you to this day, every moment wrapped up in getting through graduation, and now… where do you go? Well… if you’re a millennial you probably didn’t go anywhere for another 5-10 years, but I digress.
Maybe you realize that the things you enjoyed before just don’t interest you as much. Old hobbies are less obsessive, being replaced by new interests and activities. Maybe your life has become more social as you expand out into new friendships and/or couplings. Transition gradually falls …
I saw an article on Facebook that was a list of things that sociable introverts want you to know about their struggles. That’s not me, I’m the opposite, extremely extroverted (I am recharged by socializing, not drained) but loaded with crushing social anxiety. I felt inspired to write my own list, because people often think I’m introverted when I’m actually just anxious.
If I show up and the only people I know are engaged in conversations I can’t get into, I’ll probably just sit in the corner on my phone until I go home depressed. Please, engage with me! I’ll talk your ear off once the ice is broken.
If I’m quiet at first it isn’t because I don’t want to talk, its that I don’t know what to say, so I’m listening intently for points of engagement. Ask me questions.
I am starved for socialization, so I can’t stop, won’t stop. Tell me when you’re ready to end the nigh…
It was raining in San Diego today, and I am a wet haired happy little bluebird.
Brief drugs update: The Wellbutrin did absolutely nothing for my ability to climax, tho it did confuse the heck out of my hunger response for a couple weeks. Never thought I could be both hungry and repulsed by the thought of eating.
My psychiatrist is switching me from Lexapro to Trintellix, which is unfortunately a name brand only drug, so its up in the air if we can get my insurance to cover it. Reading up on the drug, it sounds really promising tho. Significantly fewer sexual side effects, and it is designed to boost executive function, which is definitely something I struggle with. Here’s hoping it works for me!
In therapy today we dove into an old memory that is likely behind some of my RSD triggers; memories of my mother getting so frustrated and angry at me for failing to complete tasks I was given. It’s a hazy memory, so it’s hard to drill in on, but I feel like we still made a bit of progress o…
It's frustrating that gender dysphoria and fat shame bleed into one another, because for one the answer is changing your body, and for the other answer is accepting your body...— Frightling Bug 🗝️ (@NightlingBug) September 24, 2019
... and we bend the science to get them backwards, out of, just, pure prejudice
This thread by LightningBug really spoke to me. I’ve written in the past about the conflicts that one can meet trying to reconcile fatness with gender dysphoria.
Yes, there are a LOT of societal influences that affect our perceptions of our bodies, both for men and women, and trans people do internalize the messaging for our true gender long before we may even know what that gender is, but there is so much more deeply physiological beneath that psychology. What outwardly may seem like body issues from cultural indoctrination may be much deeper than that.
Hating your fat body may not always a case of learning to love yourself, and it’s important to self analyze when examining these feelings (Is this dysphoria, or is it just cultural?) and to give space to others with their own issues. If someone, especially a trans person, complains about their body or their fat, responding with comments that they’re just internalizing beauty standards can be extremely dismissive, and even by gaslight…
Tonight I had the amazing opportunity to be a cut model for Susie Swanter (@susieswaneratmemycurlsandi) at Me My Curls and I. It’s been over six months since I last had a hair cut, and never with someone who so perfectly understands curls as the women at that shop do. I learned so much tonight about managing curly hair, and Susie did an amazing job bringing life into my curls.
Even tho I’ve been wanting to grow it out, I had so many straggly hair legs that I was getting tangles and frizz like wild. There was a clear line where the hair was thick and healthy, and where the hair was dead and thin, so a lot of it just had to go, probably 4-5 inches in some places. I’ve been so scared to cut that much off, since my hair is so important to my presentation, but the results speak volumes.
I can’t wait to see what it looks like once I get some new product into it. I picked up a bottle of Innersense Organic Beaut…
When my wife saw my makeup this morning she goes “Oh Jesus…”.
I’m like “Yeah, but it works with the outfit, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.“
Then she says “Look, just because I’m boring and judgmental doesn’t mean you should limit yourself.”
Last few images in this set are what happens when I listen to System of a Down while photographing.
You don’t have to hate your body, you don’t have to hate your genitals, you don’t have to hate being seen as your assigned gender at birth. You are still valid. You are still trans.
It’s ok to just want something else that makes you happier. (Image via Facebook)
After I posted this to Instagram I got a transmed troll in my comments asking that someone please “explain” this to him. I know he’s a troll because he’s shown up on other people’s accounts trying to force emotional labor on this subject as well. His goal is to try to wear out people who advocate on behalf of non-binary individuals. Unfortunately for him, I was ready for this:
Sometimes when you’re so used to being in the dark, you don’t know how dark it is until you see the light.
As an example, someone who was assigned female at birth may not have any direct issue being seen as a woman, they may not feel directly uncomfortable with their feminine body shape, but they enjoy being referred to with male or neutral …