View Posts By Tag

curvy & trans

Just a plus size trans girl in a straight size cis world.

Latest Posts

Tue Apr 14 2020 20:28:14 GMT-0700 (Pacific Daylight Time) ADHD
#DREADisolated Adelaide @ADHDelaide

Emotional disengaging is something that happens unwillingly, but a defense mechanism for the emotionally overloaded brain. Many ADHDers aren't even aware of what's happening, nor can help it. It's a state of emotional dissociation that can last weeks, months, even years.

#DREADisolated Adelaide @ADHDelaide

It usually feels as a state of apathy filled with background muffled anxiety, like a sleepy state you can't shake off. It's hard to realize this is happening, which can lead to (even more) anxiety, depression and, quite often, ruined relationships.

Emotional Disengagement The counter point to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

This happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. Basically any time my wife and I get into a fight, I emotionally pull away. I become so overloaded with emotion that I just shutdown.

Tue Apr 07 2020 15:50:53 GMT-0700 (Pacific Daylight Time) Medical

GAVatorial

Parts of this post speak about my current weight, the Body Mass Index, and the need to lose weight for the sake of my transition goals. This post is also entirely about and around transgender surgeries. Not all trans people pursue bottom surgery, this post is exclusively about my own journey.

Monday afternoon I took the first big step towards a dream I’ve had for over 30 years: I had my surgical consult for gender affirming vaginoplasty. It is rather fitting that the surgeon who I am seeking to perform this operation began her own career just over 30 years ago, around the same time that I was learning that this procedure even existed.

Dr. Marci Bowers is the foremost genital restorative surgeon in the United States. She has now conducted over two thousand vaginoplasty operations for transfeminine patients, hundreds of transmasculine surgeries, and is the nation’s top clitoral restoration surgeon for victims of female genital mutilation. She is an extreme…

Tue Mar 31 2020 13:45:25 GMT-0700 (Pacific Daylight Time) Transgender

What Being Transgender Has Meant For Me

Trans Day of Visibility 2020

I spent most of my life feeling like I had no where that I belonged; I didn’t fit in with the boys, and I wasn’t allowed to fit in with the girls. I was alone, adrift, a loaner all through primary school. To protect myself and to try to find somewhere I could exist, I created a personae that fit the male model I saw around me, but it was a poor imitation. He was rude, condescending, cynical and extremely bitter. He thought himself better than everyone else because it was the only way he could keep from feeling worthless. I hated being him every single day, but I saw no other way I was allowed to exist. I walked through life seeing so many things I wanted to pursue and enjoy, and feeling completely cut off from them.

Learning I am trans was like the clouds opening and a shaft of sunlight falling across me. It was like having an owl swoop down my chimney with an invitation to Hogwarts (or more accurately, remodeling a home and finding a dead owl in the blocked off chimney, still clutchi…

Wed Feb 12 2020 07:21:23 GMT-0800 (Pacific Standard Time) Medical

Blindsided by your brain

A conversation with my therapist last weekend got me thinking about something. Growing up AMAB you only ever hear about two aspects of the menstrual cycle, the ones that are inconveniences to men: periods, and PMS.

No one ever talked about the other parts of the cycle, the ways that the other phases affect female mood. I heard a little bit about how body image tanks at the end of the luteal phase, but I never heard about how body confidence spikes just before that. I heard a tiny bit about the way libido rises during the follicular phase, but nothing about how it inverts after ovulation. I learned from my wife that there can be a surge in sex drive in the middle of the period.

But the thing I never heard anything about is the way it feels in the last week of the follicular phase and during the ovulatory phase. Behavioral studies on cisgender women have shown that this stage of the cycle them to react stronger to dominate and virile mates. It influences female social behaviors in subt…

Fri Feb 07 2020 15:23:52 GMT-0800 (Pacific Standard Time) Transgender
𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Stages of Transfem transition:

- I wish I was a woman.

- I think I’m a woman?

- I know I’m a woman.

- I believe that I’m a woman!

- I feel like a woman!

I think I finally hit stage 5 in the last few months. Internal doubts I didn’t know I still had have been silenced.

𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

I don’t feel scared of women’s bathrooms any more. I worry about my voice causing a false impression, but I don’t feel like I’m going to “get caught” any more.

I’ve started to take it for granted that people will see me as female, even on days when my dysmorphia is bad.

Staging into Womanhood Mental context shifts across transition.
Thu Feb 06 2020 18:31:50 GMT-0800 (Pacific Standard Time) Fat Liberation

Body Privilege

Let’s talk a little bit about privilege, in regards to fatness. If you’ve not been exposed to fat acceptance or the fat liberation movement, then some of this will seem very foreign and you may balk at it, but please keep an open mind. If you do not understand the concept of privilege, or think it’s all SJW garbage, I shall refer you to my own post on the topic

So what is Body Privilege? In short, it is the privileges received by those of smaller body size. The larger you are, the more institutional discrimination you receive for your weight, and the more difficult your life becomes. Since we culturally associate fatness with laziness, this discrimination is usually seen as acceptable and even positive, with people believing that if they shame fat people enough, they will be motivated to lose the weight. This is not, in fact, how it works. If it were that straightforward then there would be a lot fewer fat people in the world.

The larger you are the h…

Tue Feb 04 2020 08:39:32 GMT-0800 (Pacific Standard Time) Transgender
𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Nobody is looking at a child’s behavior and deciding the child is trans.

Trans kids often have to beg and plead to be taken seriously by their parents, and the parents will try EVERYTHING ELSE before believing them, if they ever do.

No one is transing kids!! It doesn’t happen!

𝓙𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂𝓷 @TwippingVanilla

Even once the parents do believe it and start advocating, the child still has to convince at least two medical professionals *without the parent present* before they’ll be allowed puberty blockers.

Reactionaries really have no idea how hard it is to get trans care.

You Can't Make a Child Trans That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.

Emmy Jewel has no idea what she’s talking about, and it shows. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

Nobody is looking at a child’s behavior and deciding the child is trans.

Trans kids often have to beg and plead to be taken seriously by their parents, and the parents will try EVERYTHING ELSE before believing them, if they ever do. Even when the parents do believe it and start advocating, the child still has to convince at least two medical professionals without the parent present before they’ll be allowed puberty blockers. Reactionaries really have no idea how hard it is to get trans care.

No one is transing kids!! It doesn’t happen!

Fri Jan 24 2020 18:08:00 GMT-0800 (Pacific Standard Time) Weightloss

Endocrine Escape

I don’t know what magic happened in my bedroom today, but wow did these photos come out good.

Today I had an appointment with a new endocrinologist, but this time not for anything trans related. This was about my pre-diabetes.

CW: Weight loss and disordered eating.

Back in 2016 when I was at my highest weight ever I was categorically Type 2 diabetic; my A1C was 6.7, and anything above 6 is an instant diagnosis. However, my doctor either didn’t notice it, or he decided it wasn’t a big deal. He just kept pushing me to lose weight and never prescribed anything.

After I came out to Katharine I developed gastritis from the stress and ended up losing almost 40 pounds over three months. It was not a good time, I had to force myself to eat every day to keep from being malnourished. When my weight leveled off my A1C had dropped to 5.6, and over the next year got as low as 5.4, taking me well outside of the risk zone.

Well now it’s back up again, my last test came back 5.7, which puts me ba…