I missed Throwback Thursday, but haven’t done a Flashback Friday in a while. December 1st, 2013, my daughter S was 26 months old. I was standing outside a restaurant, carrying her, and my wife and in-laws were taking a while. The cool breeze was blowing, the shade was just right, and the grass was oh so inviting. Kat came out of the restaurant to find this scene, and I am so glad she captured it. It’s one if my favorite pictures from the before times.

This was me being a mom before I was allowed to be a mom. I remember feeling slightly embarrassed at the time that I had been caught in such a non-masculine position. The mask came slamming down and I felt shame for letting myself be seen.

I thought of this photo this morning as our entire family was laying together on the floor of our bedroom, waiting until it was time to take S to school. I realized I was laying in exactly this same way, and it just felt so good to be in such a feminine pose and not have to hide, I could just enjoy it. Euphoria washed over me like a wave and I just started smiling.