๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

Stages of Transfem transition:

- I wish I was a woman.

- I think Iโ€™m a woman?

- I know Iโ€™m a woman.

- I believe that Iโ€™m a woman!

- I feel like a woman!

I think I finally hit stage 5 in the last few months. Internal doubts I didnโ€™t know I still had have been silenced.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

I donโ€™t feel scared of womenโ€™s bathrooms any more. I worry about my voice causing a false impression, but I donโ€™t feel like Iโ€™m going to โ€œget caughtโ€ any more.

Iโ€™ve started to take it for granted that people will see me as female, even on days when my dysmorphia is bad.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

I think this is why my bisexuality has become so large and in-charge in the last quarter. There is no part of me that thinks of myself as male any more, and that has freed me from internalized androphiliaphobia.

Iโ€™m free from all the brainwashing of my youth.

Stargazer Lilly โญ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ @Lillinator13

@TwippingVanilla iโ€™m firmly entrenched in stage 6 - iโ€™ve forgotten what it was like before transition.

Azalea Jane sez: U deserve healthcare @tangopianista

@TwippingVanilla Interesting that believe comes after know for you. For me, knowledge is more confident than belief. I feel like I've recently moved from believing I'm a woman (possible) to knowing it (certain). Can you explain your distinction?

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista Know = Thought

Believe = Emotion

You can cognitively know something without believing it emotionally, because emotion happens below cognition, and happens faster than thought. My therapist hammers this home over and over again.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista Emotional reaction happens instinctively, based on your core values and principles, which build over time and are not easilly wavered.

For example, my mother knows I am a woman, because my word and all the evidence in front of her says I am a woman. But she doesnโ€™t believe it.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista Belief also plays a huge part in why people who you have been out to for a long time will still misgender you.

Azalea Jane sez: U deserve healthcare @tangopianista

@TwippingVanilla I see! Yes, I often make that distinction too: I will intellectually know something and yet feel differently. Usually having to do with emotional insecurities.

Azalea Jane sez: U deserve healthcare @tangopianista

@TwippingVanilla In this case, my "knowledge" includes an intuitive and integrated body knowledge. For me that is more of a certain and complete knowledge than belief, which to me implies uncertainty. I see knowledge as a subset of belief.

These words are hard to nail down sometimes!

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista The thing that led me to write it like this was from my experiences in EMDR. The goal is always to replace a negative cognition about yourself caused by the memory with a positive one. At the end of processing a memory she asks me to rank 1-7 how well I believe the positive cog.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista And I will sit there and logically know that the cognition is true, that the meaning of the memory is what we say it is, but deep down I cannot accept it because I donโ€™t believe it. So then we go back into EMDR to retrain my subconcious.

๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ต๐”‚๐“ท @TwippingVanilla

@tangopianista EMDR is pretty neat shit, itโ€™s like a shortcut around all the brainโ€™s self defense barriers.