It’s been three years since I last set foot on a beach, and today was the first time I have ever been in public in a bikini. We could not have asked for more perfect weather to hit the beach. 75° (23.9c), overcast, a gentle off-shore breeze… The water could have been warmer, but we acclimated quickly.
I’ve always liked going to the beach, but until today I don’t think I ever actually enjoyed the beach. I always had to wear shorts that clung to my legs and rode up in uncomfortable places, and of course a t-shirt that would flop around and weight me down. I couldn’t stand to be outside topless, it just felt wrong, plus I’ve been terrified of the sun since I got third degree sunburn when I was 11 years old.
Today felt right, blissfully, euphorically right. Like, I cannot even express how badly I’ve wanted this day. For nearly 30 years I have wished to wear a women’s swimsuit to the beach, and to finally live that dream was delightful. I didn’t get to actually swim, the water was too cold to go that deep, but it was still a great day.
I am of multiple minds when I view these photos. The knee jerk thoughts are of course negative: “Look at how fat you are! You have rolls on top of rolls. Your arms are huge, and you’re so big up top that they don’t even hang straight down.” Then my gender dysphoria joins in: “Look at how wide those shoulders are. You’re so blocky. Why are you walking like a man? You have zero grace at all!” 😑
But Statler and Waldorf are quickly drowned out by another voice. “Look at how happy you are! You’re a girl! You’re at the beach in a woman’s swimsuit! Look around you, you look like all the other women on this beach. Everyone thinks they look bad in a bikini, and yet you’re rocking it! You walk like how everyone walks on sand!” It helped a lot that I was surrounded by other women just as large as me. All bodies are beach bodies, and I am thrilled to finally feel at home in mine.
Bonus pics: San Diego had AMAZING sunsets tonight.Discuss this post on Instagram